Joe Iconis Interview, Part Three

And now, dear readers, the final installment of my Joe Iconis interview. Herein, Joe fills out Vanity Fair's Proust questionnaire and the Inside the Actor's Studio Bernard Pivot questionnaire. (Missed the earlier installments? No worries - here you go: part one; part two)
Proust Questionnaire
  1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
    Sitting at a piano, surrounded by people I love. There’s a drink on the bench next to me and we’re waiting on a food order to arrive.
  2. What is your greatest fear?
    Death. In general.
  3. Which historical figure do you most identity with?
    P.T. Barnum
  4. Which living person do you most admire?
    John Waters.
  5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
    When life becomes overwhelming, I deal with it by ignoring things/situations/people.
  6. What is the trait you more deplore in others?
    Apathy. Complacency.
  7. What is your greatest extravagance?
    Food and drink.
  8. On what occasion do you lie?
    To not hurt someone’s feelings.
  9. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
    I wish I was a little less fat.
  10. When and where were you happiest?
    In rehearsals for [insert the name of whichever the last project I worked on here.] Being in rehearsal for a project I care about with people I love is the tops. [Editor’s note: the brackets above are Joe’s.]
  11. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
    I wish I had stronger willpower in the areas of money spending and healthy living.
  12. If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?
    I wish they were dog people.
  13. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
    Bringing together a bunch of great artists/humans who otherwise might never have met each other.
  14. If you died and came back as a person or thing what do you think it would be?
    I’d like to come back as a hound dog who hung around stage doors, ate scraps from great restaurants and was generally well-liked by the community.
  15. What is your most treasured possession?
    Indian Head Statue that belonged to my grandpa Joe. I’m looking at it now.
  16. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
    Seeing someone I love in pain.
  17. Who are your heroes in real life?
    My grandparents, John Simpkins, teachers.
  18. What is it that you most dislike?
    Eggs. Disloyalty & liars. Will Smith. Bitter musical theater writers. Star fucking & stunt casting. Close-mindedness. Incense. People who don’t say “please” and “thank you.” The heat.
  19. How would you like to die?
    I hate this question.
  20. What is your motto?
    “On next week’s show…”
Inside the Actor’s Studio Bernard Pivot Questionnaire
  1. What is your favorite word?
  2. What is your least favorite word?
  3. What turns you on?
    Sampler platters. Options.
  4. What turns you off?
    Cynicism. Rudeness.
  5. What sound or noise do you love?
    Wolves howling.
  6. What sound or noise do you hate?
    Parents reprimanding their children.
  7. What is your favorite curse word?
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    I’d love to be a film editor or cinematographer. Or a bartender.
  9. What profession would you not like to do?
    Doctor. Anything that involves numbers or talking on the phone.
  10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
    Sup, motherfucker!

Once again, I want to thank Joe Iconis for taking the time to so thoughtfully answer these and my questions. To learn more about Joe and his art, visit

And now, watch the original cast of Things to Ruin as they record "I Was Born This Morning (The Cicada Song)." The cast album is available from